Building the Perfect Long Snapper

I have been asked countless times what makes up a great Long Snapper. I have taken to an earlier blog to actually spray about it in detail, but I figured I would break down just a tad more. This time I will go from the bottom to the top….literally.

Feet
A Long Snapper tends to have big hoofs and you can usually spot them from behind since they tend to absolutely crush the sides of their shoes from snapping in them. I have witnessed many a Long Snapper actually “blow out” a pair of shoes on the side. Immediate respect from me when I see that occur. Like Sasquatch, very rarely has this been seen live. Usually it is just noticed after that fact.

Ankles
I am happy when a Long Snapper actually has them. Many Long Snappers can break (pun intended) into the “Cankle” territory (calve just blends into ankle, one is never sure where one ends and the other begins). Cankles usually equate to being slow. No embrace.

Calves
They have to be glorious. If this makes no sense to you, you really need to get to one of my camps:)

Hamstrings 
Need to be nice and loose. If they aren’t, this will cause issues with speed and follow through. Being flexible is not mandatory but oh does it help. You should almost be able to use your legs like a bow with the ball being like an arrow. Like I say, anyone that breaks their legs backwards gets a high five from me! Seems like a fair trade off in my book.

Bow and Arrow
hammy option


Hips
Also need to be nice and loose. If you look like my 712 year old grandmother Macaw bending over for her cane to hit someone, you probably should start embracing yoga. Hips can be a deal breaker for a Long Snapper.

Butt
The bigger, the better. It keeps your weight back and gives you more power. Positive for balance as well. I cannot confirm, nor deny, but I am willing to put some cash on the fact that Sir Mix A Lot’s most famous song was about top quality Long Snappers. Some great Long Snappers have had huge cans. Of course, no names will be mentioned as to not embarrass them (wink, wink, wink)

Stomach
Free of butterflies (since we dominate under pressure), yet hairy and very itchy. Not sure why, but all Long Snappers continually scratch their bellies. Some really get their paw into it. Unfortunately, the belly button is not off limits.

Paws
A Long Snapper with freakishly long digits is always a positive. Chubby hands may have issues but usually can be worked around. If the palm of your hand looks like a Double Double and your fingers look like Snausages, you might want to embrace being a kicker.

Embrace long digits on a paw

Arms
Long. Duh

Chest
Possible hair. Very strong for blocking. Massive. Requiring constant attention. No matter where or when, a Long Snapper’s chest is fair game…to him. Hence, why Long Snappers are always pulling their shirts off their chest and readjusting. Might be something scientific. I embrace.

Face
Goatee, double duh. Possible beard of glory in November (if you can’t, please don’t, you are only embarrassing yourself…and no Abe Lincoln option). If you are man enough to pull off a ‘stache, you shall do it. Teeth have to be great since your smile helps out with the ladies. Once the smile reals them in, a simple “Oh you don’t know what a Long Snapper is, let me explain…for the next two hours” locks them down. You’re welcome Long Snappers.

Hair
Really?

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