Rubio Long Snapping Target vs. Rabbit

So, I received this email from a Rubio Long Snapping parent and I had to share due to the content (yes, I got their approval). Trust me, after 2o years I had thought I had heard it all but this one takes the cake.

Let me present to you, The Story of The Rubio Long Snapping Target vs. a Rabbit.

 

“I just wanted to share my afternoon with you, let’s call this an afternoon of chaos brought to you by the Chris Rubio Long Snapping Target…

I have three sons—19, 16, and 13—and while you know Liam for his longsnapping skills, you may not know my oldest is also a long snapper, currently at Lehigh.

We’ve lived and breathed snapping for years now, which means our backyard looks like a training facility mashed up with a garage sale.

Eventually, I caved and bought the Rubio target. I mean, at that point, what’s one more long snapping net/QB target/bounceback thing in the yard? Just more lawn decor, right?

My oldest son came home last night for a couple of weeks before summer workouts start up. When my youngest came home from school today they went outside to play together. Naturally, Connor wants to try the Rubio target because this is something Liam has that he didn’t…

I’m in my office, minding my own business, when my youngest (12, and currently transitioning out of his tween years and into full-blown dramatic teen chaos) bursts through the door like he’s announcing a hostage situation:

MOM! There’s a rabbit stuck with Chris Rubio!”

I’m like what?!? He’s breathing heavily, I realize he’s talking about the target and I’m like oh for god sake will you calm down. 

I head outside and yep—there it is. The target’s lying flat, and a rabbit has somehow Houdini’d itself into the bottom net and is now panicking like it just realized it made some poor life choices.

Being the calm, suburban-not-outdoorsy mom that I am, I grab a hockey stick (as one does) to lift the target and give myself a little distance. The rabbit, in response, tightens the net around itself like it’s preparing for a magic trick gone horribly wrong.

I start talking gently to the rabbit, trying to reassure it like I’ve seen on Animal Planet. This is when my helpful 19-year-old, Connor, strolls out and says: No hable inglés.”

Thank you, Connor. Invaluable.

Then he starts yelling at the rabbit: “Go LEFT, you dumbass! Freedom’s to the LEFT!” The rabbit responds by doubling down and tangling itself even further.

I lift the target higher. At this point, Connor goes: “Way to go, Mom. You’ve created a rabbit noose.” Super encouraging.

Meanwhile,  Griffin—ever the fountain of disturbing trivia—chimes in with: “You know a rabbit can live for seven minutes after it dies?”
WTF, Griffin. Seriously. Is this helpful right now?

I’m now whisper-screaming curses at my husband under my breath, because OF COURSE this is happening while he’s not home. Every weird animal crisis? My shift.

It’s clear we need to cut the net. I send Connor inside for scissors and gloves. Keep in mind—we are not “glove for wildlife rescue” people. We are “glove for scrubbing dishes or pulling weeds” people. The best we’ve got is a pair of garden gloves and some mismatched dish gloves.

Connor returns from the garage like he’s suiting up for war—with lacrosse gloves and a goalie stick.
I just stare at him. What is the plan here? Are you going to save it or bludgeon it??

I start cutting the net while Connor stands by in full lacrosse goalie gear, presumably ready to catch the rabbit mid-flight or defend himself if it turns on us. I finally get through enough of the net and—BOOM—the rabbit leaps out.

But not before unleashing a noise none of us were prepared for.
The boys jump back.
“WHAT in the actual hell was THAT?!”
Yes. Rabbits can scream. And now my children are emotionally damaged forever.

The rabbit bolts into the bushes—alive, but still dragging some of the net like it’s been through a war zone.

So, thanks to the Chris Rubio target, I’m now an accidental bunny trapper and quite possibly a bunny killer (there’s no way it’s surviving with the noose). What an afternoon.”

Rubio Long Snapping is, by far, the biggest and best resource for Long Snappers in the country. Rubio has been featured in the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the USA Today, Deadspin, Sports Illustrated and countless other publications.

Offering the best instruction and most exposure in the world, Rubio Long Snapping can help you to become the best snapper you can be!

In just 20 years, Chris Rubio, President and Owner of Rubio Long Snapping, has become the #1 Long Snapping instructor in the country and the go-to man when a college coach needs a Long Snapper. Colleges from across the country rely on “Rubio’s” word day in and day out on who the best Long Snappers are in the country. Rubio Long Snapping has assisted in over 1,850 Long Snappers earning full scholarships and preferred walk-on opportunities to major colleges and universities just for Long Snapping and many into the NFL as well.

303

Limerick Winner!

Rubio

 

 

Over a month ago, I announced a Limerick Contest for a FREE admission to the 12th Annual National Snapping Event in Las Vegas. The object of the contest was to create a funny, creative limerick that had to do with Long Snapping.

The response to this contest was amazing and even surprised me. I actually received almost 200 entries! Well done gentleman!

Alright, enough waiting, the winner, and this was very tough to choose, is…..

limerick

75

If you are a Long Snapper or kicker that doesn’t ______________, I don’t like you.

Rubio

 

 

For Long Snappers

If you are a….

1. …Long Snapper that doesn’t immediately crank on the AC full blast in a car and/or hotel room, I don’t like you.

2. …Long Snapper that doesn’t try to snap any object that has ever been in your hand, I don’t like you.

3. …Long Snapper that doesn’t know how to do at least one trick with a football, I don’t like you.

3. …Long Snapper that doesn’t sweat when you eat, I don’t like you.

4. …Long Snapper that doesn’t pull on the front of their shirt at least 138 times per day, I don’t like you.

5. …Long Snapper that hasn’t used your position to pick up on a lady, I don’t like you.

6. …Long Snapper that hasn’t snapped something at a party, I don’t like you.

7. …Long Snapper that doesn’t know the names Casey Hales, Tyler Schmitt, Christian Yount, Jeff Palmer, Jason Bertoni, John Finch and Kevin Ballinger, I don’t like you.

8. …Long Snapper that has never hurt someone with a great snap, I don’t like you.

9. …Long Snapper that has ever turned down a dessert, I don’t like you.

10. …Long Snapper that doesn’t capitalize the words Long Snapper and/or Long Snapping, I don’t like you.

For kickers

If you are a….

1. …kicker that doesn’t walk, slowly, off the field with your Long Snapper, I don’t like you.

2. …kicker that doesn’t praise your Long Snapper in every interview, I don’t like you.

3. …kicker that doesn’t praise your Long Snapper when he gives you good snaps, I don’t like you.

4. …kicker that has accidentally hit your Long Snapper in the back of the head, I don’t like you.

5. …kicker that has ever motioned for and/or expected your Long Snapper to go get the balls you have kicked, I don’t like you.

6. ..kicker that doesn’t get your Long Snapper a gift for all major holidays, especially their birthday, and maybe even yours, I don’t like you.

7. …kicker that refers to your Long Snapper as simply snapper and not their proper name or glorious nickname, I don’t like you.

8. …kicker that squats too low or jumps when you don’t need to in order to catch a great snap, I don’t like you.

9. …kicker that blames a miss on your Long Snapper when he actually had a good snap, I don’t like you.

10. …kicker that doesn’t realize it all starts with the snap, I don’t like you.

rubio4

98

Rubio Long Snappers Finch and Ballinger Dominate Other Sport

Rubio Long Snappers and staff members John Finch and Kevin Ballinger (formerly of Purdue and bottom two in picture) and their Dodgeball team, the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, have won their adult league dodgeball championship on the GUS League in Houston!

This is a story worth telling since Long Snappers are not known for being the fleetest of foot so this is quite an accomplishment. Also, if you have ever experienced these two at a camp, you can only imagine the spray these two probably generated towards their competitors throughout each match. On that note, word around town is they were verbally abused, a couple times, by a lady, but this can’t be confirmed nor denied.

For some reason, I could not find any highlights on Espn (yes, I even checked The Ocho) but you have to trust me that they won.

Bottom line, I embrace these two continuing their winning ways, trying to stay fit and representing well.

20130404-084659.jpg

110